time to watch cody make a fool of himself on stage!  Lip Sync 2009 with the math club!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHZThNudFyo
Why oh why am I posting this?  It's incredibly awful.  I also mess up once in the second dance.  I also take off my shirt...
Pressing "post" now before its too late

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvQEJEC0cy4&feature=related

I've listened to this like 50 times over this night.  I suggest you do the same.  It's a great great song.  It was played as a new years farewell song this year.  I think that's pretty fuckin sweet 

 there is something kind of rewarding pulling an all nighter.  It's not something I enjoy doing or take pride in doing, but there is something ensuring about having the endurance and the willpower to get done what needs to be done; to do what is important and work towards your dreams with a truly fervent determination.
I don't do them often, but occasionally they are necessary when fate places things in front of you in a certain order.  Now that everything that I can do for tomorrow is done, I'm going to go on a HUGE rant about some things that I've said many times but like to iterate because each time it gets a little closer to ... well making a small amount of sense.  Maybe some day...

( rant )

lah~dee~dah!
an hour before I have to turn in a japanese speech
lah~ta~ta~dee!
I'm procrastinating finishing the last few sentences
I can't think of any more lyrics to this song
I'm going to do my work now.

In other news:
   I miss me madre going off on her adventures, but I know she'll do more than great.
   I love being able to have sushi inexpensively every day made fresh in front of me for lunch
   I have been feeling sexually frustrated recently and it is an extremely new feeling for me.  After some thought on the matter, I realize that no change is required to alleviate this frustration.  I never had any frustration issues with the long term relationship thing because my frustration was alleviated with the knowledge that I had a loving, caring, and probably equally frustrated person waiting for me; that I didn't have to search and everything was already taken care of for me.  But now, without that concrete pillar to rest my weight upon, I have fallen head first over the proverbial cliff.  
   I realized though, that my same philosophy/mantra really works for my current predicament... a slight modification really, but one that has given me wings none-the-less.  Now I say something along the lines of "either I have someone out there waiting for me or I don't and I roam free."  instead of "I have someone waiting for me."  
   Ok, actually writing it down it doesn't sound like it is at all comforting, but it really is that simple to me.  

Again, I rest.

HOMEWORK!!!!  AAA!!! I've been typing for 10 minutes!

 Friends are the most amazing thing in the world to me right now.  No matter the immense pain and drama life throws at us, we can carry our combined strength in numbers; we can become more than ourselves with the strength of our friends.  While my heart may have shattered and my spirit lay battered and unconscious and broken on the floor, I stand on my feet with my head held high towards the future BECAUSE I have these friends behind me.  This may be impersonal, but I really don't care who I give my friendship to, I just want to give that amazing spirit back to the world.  

By all means right now I should not be happy, confident, or even coherent.  I should be sobbing in grief at my own utter stupidity.  But my friends have helped me realize that what is is.  I must relinquish my control and let these things happen.  I have done what I know is right.  Perhaps tomorrow I will realize that I was wrong.  Then I must offer my sincerest apologies.  Perhaps tomorrow I am right.  I must then pat myself on the back.  Perhaps there is no such thing as right or wrong!  I step forward --

So this goes to those of you people out there who are friends with anyone, anywhere:  You kick ass.  You are giving a gift of immeasurable power and worth.  Your thoughts and prayers are heard no matter the distance,  all you need to do is remember their smile and everything becomes clear.

Kayla: I'm very sorry.  I love you and will continue to love you with all the heart I have ever had.  

 sorry for the double post.

I'm sitting here doing my japanese homework and I just realized that I'm fluently reading and responding to these questions that are open ended and all regarding my opinion and writing essays and compositions about various subjects for various reasons.  I quickly read the question that asks what my opinion is about an issue, a topic, or simply an action like going to school at the same time as working and I quickly respond with an opinion expressed as such without too much heavy thinking.  I'm even learning to bull-shit in japanese.  It's SWEET!

It was one of those moments where my opinion of myself and my abilities in japanese caught up to where my studies have taken me.  It makes me feel kinda proud. 

The good news is that I have a test on Monday that is going to take those feelings of self-confidence and assurance in my abilities and turn them into pudding without even lifting a personified, death-covered finger.  I'll be spat back up with modest self confidence and an affinity towards remaining silent when I should just let the power of my voice rend the silence into ... well ... yeah, something so damned small that no one could even imagine, much less be eloquent enough to put words to it and its almighty smallness.

Yey

I'm tired.  I have a ton of homework this weekend and everyone wants me to do things today.  I just wanna relax, sit back and just let things happen.  Instead, I'm sitting here busting my ass on homework so later people can invite me to events I really don't wanna go to.  I mean I'd consider going just to hang out with them, but I'd MUCH prefer not going anywhere that requires more than like 20 minutes travel by foot.  Cars are just so ... ugh!  

I mean, I can understand HAVING to travel by car to get to somewhere not your house, but freakin-a man, I don't need to go somewhere to have fun or to relax or to "get away".  On the contrary, with the stuff on my plate, leaving to go waste time somewhere else just feels like it would wear me out.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a dedicated homebody.  When I have no ties and no schedules, I'm as free as the wind... that's the problem though... there is always a fucking schedule or something I must do.  

Don't get me worng!  I LOVE an organized and scheduled life.  It's just that, when I have things to do, I want to do them.  When I don't have things to do, I like to recover from doing them.  When I'm recovered, I like to be free.  I'm not recovered from the week yet.  I still have shit to do.  People want me to do things.  I want to say NO!  WHY CANT I JUST SAY NO?  WHY MUST PEOPLE GET SO BENT OUT OF SHAPE?  I don't not wanna hang out with you, I just don't wanna DO things.  LET ME ENJOY MY SLOTH!

Either way, I love you all and I'll be in my cave until later this evening when I'll pretend to enjoy myself when actually all I'll be thinking about is the shit I won't be able to finish today.

 After the last post, this is going to sound quite bipolar... or well, it will sound like what it will sound like, but it will make me seem bipolar.  Dang, why don't I use a delete key?  Delete key?  What is that shit?  What's written is what's written, if I offend or simply confuse the shit out of you... well ... yeah, I really don't know how to help you with that as it's MY lack of deleting and editing.

Either way, I was kind of a bitch yesterday with my post.  Things have actually been A MILLION times better than I could hope for them to be.  I'm doing well in school, I am running and/or working out almost every day (within healthy constraints though), I just... I was just bogged down yesterday, I DESPERATELY needed a break from my studies and I took it out on my livejournal.

But no, yeah, really cool thing happened yesterday.  So I was running, it was COLD.  We were getting close to finishing and I instinctively reached my head to my brow to wipe away the sweat and, lo and behold, it had FROZEN to my head.  Not only that, but some of the moisture in the air had condensed in my windswept hair leaving shiny ice crystals in my hair.  It looked so freaking cool.  Needless to say, that's when I decided I should go take a hot shower and have some emergen-tea to fortify myself against the ills of being active in a place/time you should not be too active in.

Today was good.  I turned in a lot of stuff.  I have even MORE to turn in Friday, but I'm being a good little boy and working hard.  I was going to spice up "hard" and make it something a little more elegant like "with the dilligence of ..." and then I stopped, realized the red squiggly line below "dilligence" and then realized I couldn't really formulate anything witty so I stopped.

Yeah, ... that's my life.

TAEKWONDO!!! So much fun!  

Not going to lie... it's super sweet
Not going to lie... I really enjoy doing it
Not going to lie... it's fucking deadly-- no seriously, I've taken kung fu san soo, aikedo, and studied a little on how tai chi can be used as a martial art and they are all VERY defensive.  "This move blocks that move and makes them fall over and you run away."  Taekwondo is like, "So this kick is meant to stun them, but always follow it up with this kick so you hit them in the <insert vital organ/area here> so that you kill them quickly."  ... yeah... scary shit.  
Not going to lie... only bad thing about that class is that it's only once a week.

I'm up to my buttcheeks in homework due tomorrow and friday.  I'm wading through it really well and at this rate I'll finish it with AMPLE time leftover to relax, but I am stuck in that mood where I'm constantly fighting the clock literally for every second as I see it approach and pass.  

I'm breaking out of it now to finally post again.  

...

I need to work on japanese...

But I won't.  I just finished my first programming assignment in CS250.  Pretty difficult in the most unexpected way.  My concept and method for solving the problem was flawless, even above what we needed to do.  Little snipits of my code actually reduced further than necessary the input needed from the user/file to make a successful program.  My overall layout of the code pieces was spot on, as well.  Each piece of the puzzle was laid out in the right spot and called when necessary.  My syntax, however, just SUCKED.  I was opening a wrong file for a while, I had a backwards-curly-bracer-error that I simply could not find.  I mixed up some counters that fouled things up for a second.  I forgot return characters left and right.  Just a BUNCH of very small errors that I had to fix and recompile and move on.  I actually went to the prof for the input file part.  She looked at it and thought my program was missing something, when I told her it WAS missing it because my setup didn't need it and that wasn't the actual problem.  She ended up finding out that the whole file thing was just somehow my program was reading an unupdated copy of the file I was supposed to be reading.  My MIND was in the right spot, I was just bogged down by all these tiny errors not in my execution, but simply in the language and grammar of C++.  Really annoying.  I think that's why I'm in such a balls to the wall mood right now.

I have a vocab test tomorrow in japanese (my weakest area) which I need to study for, but I ALSO have an essay (IN japanese) to finish a first draft for due Friday.  I can formulate sentences and look up words and convey a proper response with relative ease, but learning words and then remembering all of them and their pictographical writings two days later is difficult.  It takes LOTS of practice to learn a language!  And the best way to study a language is to speak it with native speakers and have them explain things to you over and over again in the native tongue.  MOST of the kids in there either have something like that at home or have been studying the language since high school.  My work habits mean so very little in comparison to that level of indulgence in the language.  I feel so behind even though I'm not

I also have a REALLY big assignment for Linear due Friday.  The worst part about that one is that the teacher is one of those people that MUST see it a certain way or else you've obviously cheated or copied or used software or simply aren't thinking the same thing she is.  On the first homework, for instance, one question asked if a certain set of equations was considered a set of linear equations-- a REALLY easy question!  I looked and all of the pieces in the system were non-linear, so I said AND I QUOTE, "No, because all the pieces are non-linear and in order for it to be a linear system, all pieces must be linear."  I got half a point off (50% of the total worth of the question) for not saying specifically "that piece is trigonometric, that piece is recurrent, that piece is exponential, etc."  That was the ONLY thing I got marked off for on the entire assignment and what was my final score?  My final score was a 2.5/3.  What is that as a percentage?  That is an 83%... a LOW B... just because I didn't have the same letters as were written on her key.  So I'm of course slightly on edge about it.

JEEZUS BALLS!  I NEED A BREAK!  I AM GOING TO GO PLAY SOME FREAKING VIDEO GAMES FOR A LITTLE BIT

 First impressions on classes.  I'll keep it short because... yeah it's not a very exciting subject for most of you

Linear Algebra:  proofs, matrices, computer graphics, optimization within business settings...  Fun stuff.  The teacher is interesting.  I'm not quite sure if I will like her, but the good news is that the book that she bought us (literally, its an open source book) is REALLY fun to read so even if I end up hating her guts (which isn't all that likely), the book will be able to teach me everything I need to know.  She seems like the kind of teacher that reads the book and makes her notes almost directly from it.  That impression came from the fact that her first lesson was REMARKABLY similar to the reading of the first chapter.  It could be a coincidence, but either way, I'm set.

Computer Science.  Our teacher has a super hawt accent.  I don't know a single thing about accents, but hers just sounds cool.  It'll be a fun class regardless of her awesome accent, but it will only make it better.  CS is all about logic and creative weaving of systems and functions to maximize the efficiency of the program.  At this level of programming, it is not difficult or a chore, it's just like nice and easy mental exercise.  I love it and I can't wait to move forward with it.

Comparative Religions.  The only class I could take in this subject was the "Topics" version in which a teacher who either is or has recently done some research in the field teaches the class with a focus on his research.  So currently, our teacher has been studying a lot in the Carribean, so we are doing a comparative religions course primarily focused on religions in that region.  So we got Vudou and the like, looking at origins, effects on the people, reasons for development, and overall thoughts on all that.  I tell you though, our first reading was depressing as all fuck... It was a christian soldier talking about all the attrocities the Christian army was doing to the people and how it was all for nothing but greed but no one could stop it.  The kind of violence he wrote of is the kind that makes your stomach turn and your heart cry out in anguish.  

Japanese 302.  I am learning REALLY fast, but I sometimes think I'm learning too fast for my own good.  I haven't had the TIME to reflect on the language and truly perfect the actual use of the language.  I can translate and analyze and compose at nearly the level I can english, but I can't yet listen or speak with the fluidity of even a 5 year old.  Those things come with practice and with most of the other teachers, that hasn't been quite the focus.  This class is shaping up to be a good balance.  and SHIT, our teacher is SOOO freaking cute.  She's not like a hottie or anything, she's just adorable!  When someone says something she likes or answers a question or responds just the way she likes, she touches her head with both hands like a ballerina and exclaims, "Bong Bong!" in a rewarding tone with HUGE eyes and a happy expression.  I don't know if I can take that much cute... oh wait, nevermind, I can

Taekwondo.  don't have it till Thursday, won't know till then

Chamber.  I love Scott.  He's wonderful.  Words truly can't explain that man.  

Yep... another long post...  LJ-anon, help me! :P